Saturday, 20 May 2017


I know these mugs! I am one of these mugs!
As of yesterday, I am officially unemployed. Desk cleared, hands shook, wishes bested, and - after exiting the building and strolling for about ten minutes - naughty amounts of alcohol consumed, surrounded by friends, peers, and harrowed bar staff who I'm sure will be glad to see the back of me.

Following this momentous occasion, I now find myself at something of a loss, not sure of what to do while I wait for my due departure - so I thought I'd tell you a story.

I must point out that this story is not my story - it's not even the story of the person who told it to me. It's the story of a person whose story was witnessed by the person who told me the story. So naturally, said story is not an entirely accurate story, and for all I know it might not even be a true story, but then again that might not matter if it's a good story . . .

I'll start again.

My dad's been working as an engineer for years. Donkey's years - donkey's generations. Anyway, in his time there, he's obviously seen a lot of people come and go, take different jobs, retire, or just bollocks things up so spectactularly that they're told where to shove it. And this particular departure has always stuck in my mind.

The gentleman in question was a quiet sort, kept his head down, never made waves. Years of working away, avoiding the petty feuds of career-builders and corporate-climbers. He showed up, he did his work, he went home. Simple.

Anyway, after years of this, the time came for him to retire, and of course a leaving party was held, and everyone went - some who actually wanted to see the bloke off, some who wanted to be seen seeing the bloke off, and some who heard there was cake going free and wanted in.

So of course, those who wanted to be seen seeing stood around talking very loudly about what a wonderfully hard worker the chap was, and how sorry they were to be seeing him go, and those who wanted to see the bloke off were agreeing with them, quite enthusiastically, hoping that it would get them out of the conversation and allow them to actually say goodbye, and the free cake people were sated and frankly didn't give a damn about what happened next. And in the midst of all this, eventually attention circled back around to focus upon the gentleman who was actually leaving.

A hush fell across the crowd. It was the moment of the last farewell, the final speech, the gracious exit before people returned to their exciting and exhilerating lives as aerospace engineers. He cleared his throat.

'I'd just like to take this opportunity to say . . .' he coughed slightly.

'Fuck you all.' And he left.


  1. Lovely photo of us. Miss you XD xx

    1. Miss you too, mysterious stranger!